


Dresses With Sneakers

by bro__strider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, MTF character, Multi, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bro__strider/pseuds/bro__strider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It struck him one day as he was signing up to yet another pet site and wavering over the gender drop-down, that he didn't want to be a dude. It was a simple yet mind-blowing revelation all at the once. </p>
<p>It was then Dave decided that “he” didn't fit the bill any more and began to go by “she”, but only on the internet, and in her own head-- places she felt safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i finally wanted to share some of my trans*stuck fic! it's ridiculous the amount of headcanon i have for this au, i tell you. this probably won't really be a multi-chapter story type thing, but more of a collection of short stories set within the same universe featuring dove coming to terms with everything, coming out to friends and family and how she proceeds through her transition. if i include any misinformation then please do let me know and i'll do my best to correct it! 
> 
> just so you know the fic only uses male pronouns until a few paragraphs in, where she makes the concious decision to use them when referring to herself!

It began as a niggling feeling in the back of his skull, a sense that something wasn't as it should be. He had grown up in a family with certain standards that had to be met-- learn to swing a sword, drop sweet beats and always, always play it cool. Dave always felt his family pulled off the aloof douchebag act flawlessly whilst he struggled as the runt of litter, but he later figured that in order to really be cool, you needed to believe it, to be comfortable with yourself. There was only so much acknowledgement from other people could do and he had never felt comfortable in his own skin. 

It was when he began using the internet that everything began to fall into place. He signed up for forums, blogging sites, but always hesitated on certain places-- mainly, name and gender. He ended up going by just his handle for long while and if there was a way to avoid specifying, the gender section was always left empty. 

It struck him one day as he was signing up to yet another pet site and wavering over the gender drop-down, that he didn't want to be a dude. It was a simple yet mind-blowing revelation all at the once. Was that even a thing, being a dude that wanted to be a chick? That was fucking weird. He had no idea that other people who felt the same way existed, until a few tentative searches led him to forums and information pages. He didn't sign up, didn't contribute, but reading through their discussions, answering questions he needed answered, he felt a lot better, and much less alone.

It was then Dave decided that “he” didn't fit the bill any more and began to go by “she”, but only on the internet, and in her own head-- places she felt safe.

Bringing it into real life was a more daunting prospect. However after catching herself staring sadly at her flat chest and narrow frame, she decided that she was sick of feeling like shit all the time.

That was what led her to awkwardly lurking around the girl's section of a nearby clothes store. There weren't many people around and the cashier seemed more interested in flicking through her magazine than keeping an eye on what appeared to be an awkward fifteen year old boy who had been staring at the jewellery stand for ten minutes straight. Finally, she decided to just go for, cringing as her sneakers squeaked against the polished floor in her hurry to duck into the underwear section. 

She found herself lost in a world of lace and silky fabric. Not really what she was going for at the moment. Keeping her head down, she continued along the section until she found the padded tan cups she had been looking for. She scrutinized the display before her, bewildered by the sizing system. Eventually she just grabbed a couple of what appeared to be the smallest ones and thrust them over the counter before she could chicken out of the whole ordeal. The store assistant raised an eyebrow, but said nothing other than the total due once they were scanned through. 

Dave clung the bag to her chest all the way home. She had did the thing. She had made it happen. She slumped back in the bus seat, overwhelmed by the spontaneous burst of courage. After arriving back at the apartment she had planned on retreating to her room and maybe work out what the hell all these clasps were for, but as she walked through the living room, Bro leant back over the sofa.

“What you got there, lil'dude?”

It was a harmless enough question. It's not like Bro knows his son is actually a chick who's smuggling bras into the house. Still, she could only mutter a hasty “nothing!” in response before rushing to the safety of her room. Even if it seemed shifty as hell, Bro didn't bother following to question further. 

The courage she had felt had gone as she stood there in her room. What if Bro did find out about this whole thing? God. She didn't think she could put up with the constant mockery. He wasn't exactly the most conservative guy (hell, he was a queer puppet porn director), but she could only imagine the worst. With those thoughts lingering in her mind the bag was unceremoniously shoved in the back of her closet and remained there for weeks. 

One evening Dirk went to stay at a friend's place and Bro was out doing whatever the fuck it was he did. She was most definitely alone in the apartment. She idily clicked around her computer, alternating between scrolling through various websites and chatting on Pesterchum. Her thoughts wandered back to the purchase she'd made a few weeks ago. No one would be back any time soon; no one to walk in and discover her secret. She nervously nibbled at her bottom lip with her eyes locked on the closet. Then she stood up, placed her shades on her desk and pulled her shirt over her head. 

There was a lot of fumbling with straps and she had needed to Google how to adjust the damn thing, but when she examined herself in the mirror she stilled. She turned to the side, hiding her flat, boyish hips from view, and suddenly she felt like she had regained part of what she had been missing. She ended up standing in front of her mirror feeling better about herself than she had in a long while, and all it had taken was a tissue-stuffed bra. She pulled her shirt back on and lounged around for a good hour admiring how her clothing lay against her no longer flat chest. When it began getting late even by Strider standards she reluctantly removed her bra and returned it to its hiding place in case Bro reappeared. 

She went to bed conflicted that night, feeling like she had began taking steps towards something better, but running a hand over her flat chest and wondering why it had to be this way in the first place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whispers happy transgender day of remembrance, folks.

She began wearing her bras more often, but always in the safety of her room when she was sure no one else was around. Although it made her feel better about her image keeping such a big part of herself secret was rather draining. She had friends of course and they were damn good ones, but she had no idea how they would react if she were to confide in them. Especially John. Like, John was a good friend. The bestest bro anyone could ask for, but they were very much dude friends. They liked to sit around in their boxers, play games and threw around “no homos” like confetti at a wedding. He hadn't sensed anything was up and for now she was content to keep it that way. 

Instead of confiding in her friends she had immersed herself in online communities, reading personal accounts and following women blogging about their progress. It was so heart-warming to see people congratulating each other and sharing advice. It all made her like she wasn't going through all of this alone. However it was scary reading some of the coming out stories. Of course a lot of people had tough times with their families and friends, some much worse than others, but the stories of gradual acceptance and those who had stuck by them gave her hope. Even if it was strange for her friends perhaps they could get used to the idea eventually. 

In the end she needn't have worried about the reaction of her long time friend Rose Lalonde. Bro and her mom had always been close so she had always felt they had a snarky sibling dynamic going on. Rose was also extremely intelligent and had a knack for picking up on things that others were yet to see. This matter had been no different and in hindsight Dave felt she should have expected that. 

“Your hair is getting rather long.” She had remarked one day when they were hanging out, running her fingers through the now flicky, blonde strands.

“Guess it is,” Dave had said with attempted nonchalantness, hugging her knees tighter to her chest.

“And those are girl's jeans, aren't they?”

Shit. 

“Clothes are clothes, right? I mean, I bought them, so they're just mine. A pair of pants doesn't have a dick or a vag and doesn't need to--.”

“Dave.”

She flinched at her name, and knows there was no way she would have been able to hide it from Rose. Instead, she sighed and laid it out for her: she wasn't a dude even though she had a dick-- no, scratch that, she was still a dude, she just wasn't a guy, a male, whatever-- she didn't feel right living as a man. Rose had sat and listened as she told her about the early days of forum-surfing and awkward bra moments, nodding occasionally and humming thoughtfully. Normally she would tell her to cut the wannabe psychologist bullshit, but it was a relief to tell someone about how she had been feeling for so long, someone who was in the position to accept her. She just hoped she would. 

“Dave,” Rose paused, sounding thoughtful, “Well, firstly, is there another name you would prefer?”

“I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, it's not great, but you can still call me Dave until... whenever I can come up with something better.”

“Very well. Dave for now, then. To be perfectly honest I had suspected something like this for a while.”

“Of course you did,” Dave replied, rolling her eyes beneath her shades. 

She offered a wry, knowing smile in response. “I'm glad you felt ready to tell someone. I understand it must be a big step for you. I'm unsure how you would prefer to present, but you're perfectly welcome to express yourself freely here.”

“What about your mom?”

“The woman can barely see in front of her own face on a good day,” Rose said, dryly, “But, to give her some credit, she can be very accepting of these sort of things.”

She gave a small little smile and Dave got the feeling there was something she wasn't letting on. However before she could protest Rose had dragged her upstairs and pulled out a box from her closet, full of sickeningly girly clothing and make up. They were presents, she claimed with a roll of her eyes, from distant relatives that had no idea of her personal tastes and simply bought gifts based on stereotypical interpretations of gender. However Dave was very welcome to pick out whatever she liked and could either leave them here or take them away the next morning, if she would prefer. 

Dave hugged her then, overwhelmed by the unexpected support. Rose squeezed her back before offering to style her short hair with the girly abominations providing she never told anyone she had partaken in anything of the sort.

Dave began to go over to Rose's more often than usual. She would wear clothes from Rose's stash and Rose would indulge her by showing her how to style her hair and apply make up (Dave went easier on the eyeliner than Rose did, and black lipstick wasn't for her so she settled with the shimmery lip glosses). Once Dave was suitably comfortable, they would sit around in her room on their laptops or playing games as they had always done. 

The make up came off whenever she went home, but her family noticed a change, and Dirk even mentioned she looked happier lately. Bro had then leant over the back of the sofa to ask if the little guy had finally got himself a girlfriend, and her sour face must have spoke volumes. For now she let them think what they liked, but they weren't the only ones to notice.

GG: dave, are you and rose dating? :o  
TG: wow jade really  
TG: i thought roses lesbian tendencies was kind of an unspoken fact  
GG: well, you're always hanging out together now, so i just wondered! 

Dave snorted with laughter, minimizing the window and double clicking on Rose's handle. 

TG: so jade thinks were dating  
TT: Does she now.  
TG: yeah  
TG: i told her youre a massive lesbo so no worries  
TT: Technically I am spending a great deal of time with another woman. Even scantily clad on occasion.   
TG: yeah but she doesnt know  
TG: about all that stuff i mean  
TT: Perhaps it's time to tell her?  
TT: Not that I mean to pressure you, but Jade is generally not one to judge.  
TT: I feel it would be beneficial to broaden your support network.   
TG: i dont know  
TG: what if she tells john  
TT: She won't if you tell her not to.

Dave simply sat for a moment and Rose pushed no more. The conversation window she had open with Jade was flashing. Taking a breath, she opened it up.

GG: dave??  
GG: .__.  
GG: there's no reason to be embarrassed or anything!  
TG: yo  
TG: sorry had to talk with my totally not girlfriend  
GG: i can't tell if that's sarcastic or not. :/  
TG: look  
TG: okay  
TG: confession time  
TG: gonna lay this shit out  
TG: youve got to promise me something though  
GG: um okay?  
TG: what im about to tell you  
TG: is totally secret  
TG: like mib kinds of secret  
TG: go put on the last suit youll ever wear because shit is going down  
TG: you can be agent j   
TG: you got the name thing going and everything  
TG: you might have to fight john for it   
TG: but to be honest you could take him down no sweat  
TG: get karkat in on this and he can be k  
GG: you're rambling!!!  
TG: shit sorry  
TG: look just dont tell john or anyone else   
GG: i promise!  
GG: is everything okay?  
TG: thats a real fucking loaded question right there

And so she laid it out as best she could, opening a memo with Rose included so she could monitor. When it clicked with Jade, she had found it unexpected, but it apparently explained a lot. After making her repeat her promise not to tell John, she was then cordially invited to a garish sleepover with Dave and Rose, to which she replied she would be glad to attend as long as no one went near her hair with a brush. 

Jade had also insisted that they picked her out a new name together. After several hours of scouring baby name sites, they had all settled on one. Dove-- similar enough to her old name without the change being jarring and suitably feminine, as Rose has said. 

Plus, birds are pretty fucking cool.


	3. Chapter 3

Dove made a point of stressing that she didn't want to be out at school or around other friends because she just wasn't ready to deal with that shit yet. Rose switched between names and pronouns easily and Jade began to tie an extra reminder around her finger when she was to stick to her old name and pronouns, just in case she slipped up. Although she was still known as Dave at school having them in the know was a weight off her mind. 

“You seem to be doing well these days,” Rose noted one lunchtime as they collected their meals, hers one of the vaguely healthy options and Dove's a greasy slab of pizza with apple juice. “Almost back to your normal, verbose self, I'd say.”

They headed to sit down. John waved from a table he'd managed to save near the window. Thanks to his allergies and his fussing father, he had always brought meals from home, and that meant he dodged the rush of the lunch queues, snagging the best seats for them. Jade was already sitting beside him, having barraged through the crowds for her food already. 

“Hey man,” Dove greeted in return, taking the seat opposite him, “What did dad bake up today, Johnny boy?”

“Ha. That is so not old.” Still, he pried open the lid of the lunch box. “Oh, bagels!”

Dove hid a smile as he took a huge bite and started chewing, mouth stuffed-- like an adorable dorky hamster. She thought she hid the fond smile well, but Jade caught her gaze from the corner of her eye and raised her brows knowingly.

It wasn't unusual for teenagers to get crushes, especially on their friends. Dove had harboured crushes on all her close friends at one point. She hadn't strongly enough to pursue anything, but the fondness was there. John wasn't an expectation, however her feelings for him and had never faded into the plain and simple platonic. Rose and Jade had picked up on it long ago. 

GG: you should tell him!  
TG: this is john were talking about  
TG: hes straight  
TG: with the exception of nic cage  
TG: and that mccoughneigh guy  
TG: though im still pretty sure hes holding out for his darling liv taylor  
GG: well duh i know he's straight!  
GG: but you're a girl!  
TG: he doesnt know that  
TG: plus   
TG: theres still the matter of too many dicks on the dancefloor for him  
TG: and i cant compare to liv so whats the point  
GG: you're much prettier than liv! :D  
TG: i know  
TG: im a total babe  
TG: he just has poor taste

Regardless, Dove had no intention of letting John know her feelings any time soon, though she had entertained the thought of a rap confession before. Because that would be pretty fucking sweet. 

“So I was thinking!” John was saying excitedly, “I got a bunch of new games last week-- like, some new ones and a bunch of old, buggy shit. We could get together at the weekend and try them out!”

Dove glanced towards Jade and Rose. They had planned to go to Jade's at the weekend. Of course, John had no idea about their indulgent little meetings.

“I apologise, John, but I'm afraid my mother coerced me into a shopping trip,” Rose lied smoothly, “Perhaps some other time.”

“Uh, I can't either, John!” Jade said, “Jake and Grandpa want to go shooting this weekend!”

That was true, at the least. Jade had insisted on staying behind from her gun-mad family's excursions so they would all have the house to themselves. 

“That's cool!” He turned to Dove, grinning as he bumped her on the shoulder. “We'll just bro it up ourselves, right, Dave?”

Out the corner of her aviators, Dove's red eyes flickered to Rose, and the other girl thinned her lips sympathetically. 

“Got stuff to do. With Dirk. Sorry, man.” 

It was a weak excuse; she barely did anything with her family. She swallowed her lier's guilt down with a huge bite of pizza, unable to stand the sight of his disappointed frown. This wasn't the first time they had been forced to refuse his plans. Their get-togethers had became more frequent lately, but John was being kept in the dark, despite Jade's insistence. It was shitty seeing John disappointed, but it was better than him finding out and ditching his best bro. Well, that was the worst thing that could happen, in Dove's opinion, but she was really uncertain about how he'd react. 

Being not out to him was becoming difficult, to a point where Dove felt uncomfortable whenever he called to her with her old name, or used the wrong pronouns. He had no idea that he was doing anything wrong, but when they were together Dove just had to grit her teeth and bear it. 

“Oh. Maybe some other time, then.” He said, cheerful tone laced with disappointment. 

He went back to his own meal, prompting them to eat in silence for a while before Jade began regaling them of Bec's latest rampage through the neighbourhood after escaping the garden again. Dove was pretty sure it was some kind of demon beast. Most of the others were inclined to agree. 

Friday rolled around, and Dove was sat in her room, idly experimenting with her music equipment. The guilt of lying to John was yet to leave her, and she couldn't shake the feeling in her gut that he knew fine well she wasn't being truthful, and that hurt even more. Plans with Dirk. What a lame excuse. She might as well have said Bro was taking them to fucking Disneyland. 

She paused, thinking of her brother. Even if he didn't let on about it, he spent a lot of time pouring over tediously long books with small print regarding people and society. Although he never really discussed his research Dirk had always made it very clear that when it came to sexuality he felt labels were outdated, but his opinion on gender could still be different, right? Although she couldn't see why he would take offence-- in fact, along with Rose, he was probably the ideal person to talk to about it. 

She looked towards her door. It was quiet in the apartment, which meant Bro was probably out or sleeping-- either way, the chances of him overhearing anything were minimal. Getting to her feet, she crossed the short distance in the hallway to Dirk's room, a quiet thrum of music playing from behind the door. She knocked, knowing he'd respond regardless of how loud his music was, and opened the door. 

“Hey.”

She leant in the doorway of her brother's room, and he pulled off his headphones and swivelled in his chair to face her. “Need something?”

Dove bit her lip, then stepped in, shutting the door behind her. Dirk just raised an eyebrow questioningly. She sat herself down on his bed, picking at the bed covers nervously. They were an old Batman set that Dirk had owned for as long as she could recall, faded by his weekly washing routine. Dove couldn’t remember the last time she changed her sheets.

“I've got something I need to tell you. It's kinda important.”

“Is it now.”

He unhooked his headphones from around his neck and tapped away at his keyboard for a moment, then the bed sagged with his weight as he sat down next to her. Her mouth dried and she couldn't think quite where to begin. Once she got started, however, her tendency to babble overtook her until she spilled out everything, unabridged. Dirk didn't say a word until she finally ran out of steam and looked to him, bracing herself for his reaction. 

“Dove, huh?”

She nodded tentatively, “Yeah. Dove.”

“Kinda wondered why you'd been avoiding haircuts.” He ruffled her flicky locks, “Should have just asked me to straighten this out for you.”

Dove laughed nervously, and the corner's of Dirk's lips upturned slightly. There was a brief silence before Dove spoke again. 

“So. You're not mad, or think I'm some kind of weirdo?”

“Hell no. To be honest, the fact this kind of shit is still a big deal is fucking disgraceful. Societal pressuring bullshit right there--” he stopped himself with shake of the head, “Yeah. That's a rant for another time.”

“You and Rose could probably wax deep about outdated gender stereotypes and labels and all that other crap.”

“Maybe. Toss me her handle sometime,” Dirk said. “So. Rose knows, so I guess Roxy does too, and Jade knows. Correct me if I'm wrong, but there's a certain dork missing out there.”

Dove looks down at her hands, wringing them together. “He'd freak out. Best bros and all.”

Dirk hums thoughtfully. “If he really gives a shit, he'll suck it up. If he doesn't, he isn't worth your time.” He pauses again before Dove can voice her uncertainty. “I can let Jake know, if you want. You can be out at Jade's that way, right? Their gramps is fruitier than an orchard in Spring, so I doubt he'll give a flying fuck. Seriously, that old man's got to have seen some crazy shit in his time. Anyway, I can sit him down and explain. Saves any misinformed questions from him.”

“Yeah. He is kinda dumb.”

Dirk jabbed a pointy elbow into her side, making her jump and fold over. Dove agreed to let Dirk tell Jake, and needn't even worry about him telling Bro. Later she would learn that talking to Jake had taken a lot of patient explaining on both Dirk and Roxy's behalf, but they had gotten there eventually. Apparently puppets were involved.

[“So... all in all, your brother is now your sister? Well hell's fucking bells why didn't you just say so!”]


	4. Chapter 4

Working up the courage to attempt clothes shopping again was a struggle for Dove. Mainly because she was still mortified by the bra incident. It didn't stop her wanting glances over the women's clothing sections whenever she went to the mall-- looking over the figure-hugging tops and soft material she wished would like right on her. She never lingered for long though, scuttling away as if the people mulling around would somehow know and judge her. After expressing the recent cause of her upset Rose offered to take her out shopping one Saturday afternoon in order to make it less awkward for her. However when Dove arrived at Rose's place, she was ushered inside by her friend.

“I have someone I'd like to introduce you to.”

She was hastily tugged through to the living room, and was greeted by the sight of a girl just a bit older than them perched on the each of the sofa. She was dark skinned with a strong jaw and glossy black hair cut into a short style that didn't seem to have a hair out of place. Overall she was a striking young woman. She smiled warmly at Dove, her pointy teeth seeming all the whiter against her black lipstick. 

“Hello, Dove.” the girl said, standing upright-- wow, she was tall --and straightening the figure hugging jacket she was wearing. “My name is Kanaya Maryam. It's a pleasure to meet you. Rose speaks extremely fondly of you.”

Dove wasn't quite prepared for such a formal introduction. “Uh, hey. So you're like... a friend of Rose's?”

“Yes,” Kanaya said with the raise of a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, showing off more of the jade shadow dabbed carefully across her eyelids. “She invited me along today to assist with your clothes shopping. I do hope that's all right?”

Dove looked to Rose. Why would she tell some random stranger about her predicament, let alone invite them along on a shopping trip that was going to be awkward enough already. “Not that I don't appreciate the offer, but, uh... why the hell are you going around telling strangers this shit?”

Before Rose could reply, Kanaya chuckled and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Rose was rather vague when she told me about your situation, although I'm afraid I did pry for more details. I would like to help in any way I can, seeing as I was in the same position only a few years ago.”

Dove's jaw dropped. “Wait.” Her eyes flitted over the tall girl yet again, taking in her dazzling appearance. “So you're-- uh, like me?”

“Yes, I am.” She nodded, although she frowned rather worriedly. “I do hope I have intruded in some way. I only meant to help.”

“No, no, I mean,” Dove shook her head, feeling her face heat up as she got more flustered, “I had no idea and-- well, I suppose it explains why Rose took it so well and stuff. And, uh, you're really pretty too, like, wow, total babe--”

Rose snickered as Dove's embarrassing babble continued, although she eventually saved her from further making a fool of herself by suggesting they leave. Turns out that shopping for girl's clothes was more diificult than Dove originally thought. Or Kanaya was just intent on perfection.

“Red is a good colour for you,” she decided, looking Dove over with a critical eye. “It brings out your complexion very nicely. Although if we were to get into make up I think a more natural palette...”

The blond girl hadn't exactly dressed up for the occasion. If she had known she was going to be in the presence of such a fashion conscious lady then she would have done more than pull on week old skinny jeans, the same red hoodie and black beanie cap she had been wearing since her hair had began to get longer and more difficult to style. 

Shopping with Rose and Kanaya was very different to shiftily hanging around the bra section by herself, although Dove was still aware of the stares and raised eyebrows whenever Kanaya held up an article of clothing to see if it suited her. After muttering her concerns to Rose, the other girl had merely rolled her eyes and told her it was just her imagination. The strangers around them were probably too immersed in their own business to pay attention to what they were doing. Dove figured she may be right and did her best to relax. 

However one thing that was still completely lost on her was dresses. After blankly staring at every dress Kanaya offered to her, the older girl sighed and placed a hand on her hip. 

“If you are not into this sort of clothing, you are allowed to tell me.”

“Yes.” Rose agreed with a nod, “Part of this excursion is for you to explore your own personal style so you can feel comfortable in your clothes.”

“It's not that.” Dove said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I dunno, girl's shopping is tough. Like, that dress you got right there is fucking adorable, but, like, what if it just looks stupid on me?”

Kanaya's frown softened into a more sympathetic expression. “I... have also been in this situation. It can be difficult when your body doesn't fit your perceptions of yourself, if that makes sense? However if you dress yourself in a way that brings out your best features and makes you happy it can really do wonders for your self confidence.”

She smiles then, gesturing downwards. “If it makes you feel any better you will have a much easier time finding heels that fit you than I did.”

Dove looked down to her feet. They were pretty small. Depending on the store and brand she could get into kid's shoes. “No way, really?”

Kanaya merely lifted her skirt a few inches and put her foot down next to Dove's. Her foot was nearly twice as big. “Really.”

She smiled in good nature and it made Dove feel a bit better. “Hate to break it to you, but I don't think I'm a heels kind of girl. Not just yet, anyway.”

Kanaya looked stricken and pointed a finely manicured nail at the other girl's worn red Converse. “You can't just wear those with every outfit!”

“Uh, why not?”

Kanaya pinched the bridge of her nose and breathed sharply. “Dove, there is a lot I must teach you.”

She raised her brow yet again, but there's a smile gracing her painted lips. “Dresses with sneakers.” She sighed, placing the dress she had been holding back on the rack. “Very well, I shall see what I can do.

In the end Dove ended up with more shorts than skirts, although they were proper girly shorts with a selection of patterned leggings and shirts in more styles than Dove thought existed. Kanaya had even managed to put together some skirt combos that actually went with her shoes. There was also a single red dress and a pair of kitten heels in amongst their purchases at Kanaya's insistence that she must have some sort of formal attire. 

The three girls went back to Rose's house afterward. Because she had outright refused to try anything on while they were out Kanaya pretty much shoved her into the bathroom with the shopping bags and told her to try everything on. Literally everything.

After locking the door Dove took a seat on the edge of the bath for a moment. She had a little rummage through all the bags, scarcely believing that these clothes were her's. They weren't like the unwanted gifts Rose had given her-- they were picked out especially for her. Her style. Her size. Everything. 

Since they seemed to be the least threatening she tried on the shirts first. They were... clingier than her “boy” clothes, even if the neck cut was the same. After getting through the t-shirts okay, she put on a bra (which she had gotten much better at over the past while) and tried on some of the vest tops. They didn't sit quite how she would have liked on her hips, given that her body was pretty narrow, but she thought they made her shoulders seem slimmer and they felt comfortable. Next came the shorts, and she found an immediate problem. The crotch in girls' trousers, especially shorts, was cut smaller than in mens', even the skinny jeans she had taken to wearing lately. It didn't mean she couldn't wear them without bulging all over the place, but it was definitely a tight fit. Maybe she could ask Kanaya if there was any way to alter them. 

Finally there was the dress. 

They had settled on a red number with fancy beading around the edges and a darker sash around the middle that made the skirt part puff out slightly, which Kanaya said would bring out her hips more. Despite her attempts to remain indifferent Dove admittedly thought he was the prettiest damn thing, but she couldn't fend off the thought that she would just end up looking like... well, a guy in a dress. She could see in her mind's eye how she wanted it to look on her, but... 

She turned away from the bathroom mirror while she put it on along with a pair of black tights to hide the faint layer of hair on her legs. With a deep breath, she finally turned to face herself.

Her eyes immediately went to her shoulders, her unbrushed hair and boyish face.

“The fuck was I thinking,” she muttered to herself, burying her head in her hands, “Just throwing on a fucking dress wasn't going to make a damn bit of difference.”

Her ramblings were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Rose.

“Dove? Are you all right? You've been in there for quite some time.”

She didn't feel like speaking, so Dove simply unlocked the door as invitation for her to enter. Rose glanced up and down and smiled briefly before focusing on Dove's expression. 

“I look fucking awful.” Dove spat, turning away. “Help me get this thing off.” 

“Dove,” Rose made a grab for her friend's hands before they could begin scrabbling for the zipper, “You look wonderful, honestly.”

Dove stopped resisting against her friends hold. She looked downwards and muttered, “You don't need to lie to me. That's not what I need right now.”

“I wasn't lying.” Rose replied, her patience seeming to strain.

“Woah, what's with the drama, kiddies?”

The pair turned to see Roxy leaning against the door frame with one hand settled on her hip. Dove hunched her shoulders and tugged self-consciously at the skirt. Even though Roxy knew about her... situation, she had never seen her like this before. 

“Roxy,” Rose sighed, sounding rather relieved, “Dove is having some trouble with her outfit.”

“I look fucking gross,” Dove elaborated. 

The older Lalonde sibling looked her up and down for a moment. Although her gaze wasn't judging in the slightest, Dove still felt too scrutinized for her own comfort. Then Roxy hummed thoughtfully, stepping forward and gently moving Dove's hands away so she could straighten out the skirt. 

“You must be blind or something because you are totally adorable. Seriously! Don't make that little pouty face at me, girl! Red's just your colour, okay?” She combed her hand through Dove's hair, attempting to tame the light wisps of hair. “Buuuut I think I might have something that'll make you feel better. Come on!”

Dove was whisked away to Roxy's room. She awkwardly perched on the edge of the bed, a tad unsure of how exactly you were to sit down in a dress. Roxy bustled around for a few minutes, muttering away to herself as she did so, then turned, brandishing a packet triumphantly. 

“Don't look so frightened! They're hair extensions. I bought them a while ago and never used them.” She took one out and held them up to Dove's hair, “Would you look at that, we are the same colour! I thought so!” 

“I-- I'm not sure,” Dove muttered, feeling her face heat up, “What if just look even more stupid.”

Roxy huffed and tapped the younger girl on the nose. “Don't be silly. You're gonna be the cutiest of all the patooties, m'kay?”

Dove was doubtful, but she decided to put faith in Roxy as the older girl sat her down in front of the mirror. While she waited on the straighteners heating up she brushed through Dove's hair, spraying it with some stuff from a purple bottle that smelt a lot better than the hairspray Dirk stunk out the bathroom with everyday. It made the wispy strands sit a lot better than they had the past few weeks. She had mostly been hiding her hair under a hat until that point. 

It was when Roxy began talking her through putting in the extensions that her gut twisted with nerves. She kept her gaze downward instead of looking in the mirror, only mumbling occasionally to show Roxy she was somewhat listening. 

“Ta da!” Roxy eventually exclaimed, and Dove felt a wave of hair over her shoulders. “What do you think? Cute, right?”

Dove tentatively raised her head. With the extensions in,her hair now reached partway down her chest, partially covering her shoulders and framed her face in such a way her jawline seemed to soften. The dress itself was... rather nice on her. Like Kanaya had said, it contrasted nicely with her pale skin. 

“I...” Dove blushed, practically the colour of her new dress, “I look hella.”

“I told you!” Roxy screeched in triumph, practically tripping over herself as she called for Rose and Kanaya to come have a look.

Alone in front of the mirror for the briefest while, Dove smiled at the girl in the mirror, feeling very much _right_ in that moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait there! i hope this chapter and the picture makes up for it!
> 
> as always feedback is very much appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

Dove had moved on from sneakily trying on stuffed bras with her desk pushed against the door. She even had a collection of new clothes; shorts with leggings, bracelets-- she wasn't really a skirt sort of girl, but her new selection was definitely more feminine-- more her.

There was still one issue she couldn't avoid for much longer. Telling John. She knew that over the past couple of months they hadn't been spending as much time together. There was a time when she'd be over at John's more nights than at her own place, but since Rose had offered her a safe place to be out she had favoured going there more instead. 

John had clearly noticed something was up too. He was still cheerful and happy to chat, but he now sometimes spent their lunch periods sitting with Karkat and some other friends more often. Dove didn't want to exclude him and she certainly didn't want his friendships with Rose and Jade to suffer because of her. Plus, no matter what, he was her best bro and personal stuff withstanding she figured she had been kind of shitty to him lately. Determined to keep their friendship intact, she pestered him one evening saying she was free that weekend. Jumping on the implication, John had practically insisted on taking Dove to see whatever trashy action flick had came out that week.

EB: it looks really great!  
EB: i am not sure if it is really rose and jade's thing but!  
TG: jade would probably be up for it tbh  
TG: but  
TG: actually i was thinking it could just be us  
TG: we havent really broed it up in a while  
EB: oh! sure!  
EB: that would be great, dave! 

Misgendering aside, Dove was ecstatic to spend time with him again, and apparently he had missed her as well. In a bid to fend off some of her dysphoria she wore a one of her new bras underneath her shirt and hoodie. After a bit of inner debate she also opted to wear the matching underwear. Because matching made her feel like one classy lady even if no one else was going to see it. 

They met up in the centre of town. She greeted him with a seemingly nonchalant brofist, but she was happy to be spending proper time with him again. They fell into an easy chatter as they headed to a fast food place to kill time before their movie was due to begin. John told her to go grab a seat while he picked up their food, insisting it was on him when he eventually got it back to the table. 

“Buying me dinner first? Such a fucking gentleman.”

“I was planning to seduce you with a dollar shake, but you have caught on to my ruse,” his shoulder shook as he chuckled, “Kidding, of course.”

“Let me finish your fries and you'll have me swooning.”

“Dave!”

She went to correct him out of habit, but then she remembered he didn't know and kept her mouth shut, going back to her meal instead. A silence fell between them, which wasn't unusual, but it was weighted and sort of awkward and she couldn't even bring herself to babble as usual. 

“Look, I... I know there's something going on.”

Dove looked up again. John was frowning. He wasn't... angry, she had never seen him genuinely spitting furious, but he was wearing a grave expression that didn't suit his usually cheerful features.

“I dunno what's going on exactly,” He slid his tray out the way and leant closer, elbows on the table, “but, Dave, it's been months. I can't remember the last time we all hung out together, and I don't know if I've done something wrong or--”

“John, no, listen--”

“You're meant to be my best friend,” John looked away, and the hurt in his voice cut into Dove like one of Bro's swords, “so why have you been avoiding me?” 

Dove swallowed. There was really no getting out of this, even if she lied she'd lose him, and if she told him the truth there was a chance she'd still have him as a friend.

“I don't really know how to tell you this, man.” She shrugged, picking at the table with her thumbnail.

“I'd appreciate it if you tried.”

Dove took a deep breath, closing her eyes behind her shades as she ran her mouth, “Look, basically, a few months ago I took a good hard look at myself and knew something wasn't right and what isn't right is my dick and lack of tits and all that other stuff that makes me a dude in the opinion of this hecked up society-- uh, basically. I'm a chick. There's a word for it and everything. Transgender. You gotta have heard of it, right?”

John's brow was still knitted together, though his mouth hung open in confusion, but he didn't say anything. Dove's heart thumped loudly in her chest, and she gripped at her arms to stop herself shaking, telling herself to keep it together. He didn't get it, he probably thought she was some kind of weirdo and oh god she had lost him--

“So, like _Priscilla_?”

“--what?”

“You know, _Priscilla Queen of the Desert_. The movie.”

Dove smacked her face with her hand, making John twitch. “Oh my God, Egbert, I just took a blundering nose dive out the closet here and you just have to reference one of your shitty movies?”

“It's not shitty. It's a good movie.” He huffed indignantly. “So, is it like that?”

“Depends. Are we talking about Hugo Weaving or Terence Stamp here? Like, Hugo's a drag queen-- a dude that just dresses like a chick because he likes it, but he doesn't want to be a chick. Me and Terence, however, had the mutual misfortune of being chicks but being assigned dudedom at birth.” She sighed, “Does... that make sense?”

John seemed to mull it over, then nodded, slowly.

“So... everyone knew.”

“Yeah. Well, if by everyone you mean Rose, Jade and Dirk. And Roxy and Jake too.”

“You told practically everyone except me.”

The frown finally faded, but in it's place was a sad, hurt expression. 

“John I just... I didn't want to lose you, man.”

“Do you think I'm some kind of bigoted asshole or something?”

They stared each other down. Dove couldn't bring herself to answer that; it was true, she had been frightened that John would take issue with it, but she didn't think he was a bad guy. In fact he was one of the greatest guys she knew, and the best friend. Suddenly she regretted keeping it from him all these months, as she thought about him spending nights staring at their greyed out handles while they spent time together. 

The metal legs of his chair scraped against the tiled floor as John got to his feet, standing uncertainly. 

“I don't really feel like seeing a movie any more.”

“John please--!”

“I'll see you later.”

With that, John turned and left, leaving Dove to stare at his retreating back as he pushed through the doors. 

She wrenched the shades off her face and burrowed her face in the long sleeves of her hoodie, choking back a sob. Fuck, she was so damn pathetic. Crying over leftover fries like some stood up cheerleader in a teen flick. Was this even fixable? Did he even care she was a chick, or was he just sore about being kept out of the loop?

With her mind flooded with questions and self doubt, she dejectedly headed home. She glanced at Dirk's door as she passed by, but decided against it. She didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. Well, except for John. However she had no idea if he wanted to talk to her. 

She sat down at her computer and checked Pesterchum anyway. John must have got his dad to pick him up because he was back online already. She hovered over his handle for a few moments, then double clicked. To hell with being all coy, she wanted to get this shit straightened out. 

TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: star command do you copy

She knew John well enough to know the quickest way to get him in a good mood was movie references. Hopefully that was enough to break the ice. After ten minutes of fiddling nervously with a dead bug encased in amber she had on her desk he finally responded. 

EB: yes.   
TG: oh hey man   
TG: so uh  
TG: you wanna talk  
EB: i don't know.  
EB: i guess i'm still kind of. you know.   
TG: i'm sorry  
TG: i wouldnt feel this way if i could help it  
EB: oh my god.  
EB: don't ever apologize for you who are!  
EB: and don't assume i'd ever want you to!   
EB: see, this, is what is really getting me.  
EB: the fact you think i am some sort of bigoted asshole.  
TG: well you kind of had that gay panic freakout one time  
EB: oh for fucks sake!  
EB: i was thirteen and my friend just admitted he had a crush on me!   
EB: so i told him i wasn't gay!  
EB: that was that!  
EB: i mean i guess at the time it was sort of weird but i was THIRTEEN.  
EB: i never treated him shittly about it to my knowledge.  
TG: well   
TG: okay  
TG: but youre my bro surely you find it a bit weird  
EB: well i wasn't, like, expecting it or anything.   
EB: like i think it might take a while for me to totally get.   
EB: but i WANT to get it because you are my best friend. dude or not.  
TG: john  
TG: i  
TG: just  
TG: thanks man  
TG: i should probably tell you my names not dave any more huh  
EB: uh, i guess that is a good place to start.  
TG: its dove  
EB: like the bird?  
TG: yeah  
EB: you are so lame.  
EB: it suits you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a fairly short chapter but i wanted to get john more involved in the story finally! i think he'll trip over his terms sometimes, but y'know. he's john. ultimately his friends' happiness is what matters the most! 
> 
> i'd like to say a big thank you to everyone following this fic. i've had such lovely feedback and i'm so glad i'm doing a good job with this. ;u; ! 
> 
> i'm going to be getting to a point where dove will be moving on from coming out to looking into and experiencing more related to her transition. obviously i've done research and plan on doing a lot more, but as a cis dude there's only so much i can think to do. SO i would really appreciate any resource links/personal experiences/etc if you guys would like to help out! and as always if i get anything wrong or there's anything you think i should add then feel free to tell me so! 
> 
> you can comment here or get be at bro--strider.tumblr.com / dirkstrider.co.uk! i have anon on and i will keep messages private. i also track #dresses with sneakers on tumblr if you'd like to put anything in there for me to see.


	6. Chapter 6

After clearing the air with John their friendship repaired instantaneously. He was still getting used to the idea that his bro was actually a girl, but he didn't have a problem with it. The most problem he had was with pronouns, but after Jade kept elbowing him every time he slipped out with the wrong ones he got better at instantly correcting himself. So things were going pretty well on that front.

A few weeks after she came out to him Dove went over to his house for a movie night for the first time in what felt like forever. They chilled in the living room whilst John's dad occasionally appeared with snacks and commenting how nice it was to see her again. She let John pick out his usual trashy 80s flicks for them to watch, dropping sick burns as they kept up their usual movie commentary, punctuated by her snickers and his guffawing. 

“Oh man, The Running Man never gets old, huh?” He commented as they were both getting ready for bed. 

Dove shrugged, “You put Arnie in something, grease him up and give him a gun and you've pretty much got corny action gold.”

They continued to argue about Schwarzenegger's inegrity as an actor while Dove rummaged through her over night bag. However her babbling promptly ceased as she felt thin cotton brush against her fingertips. Instead of the sleeping pants she used to wear at John's, there was a red nightie in their place. She hadn't thought to change the pyjamas kept stuffed in there. She stared at the offending article, her gut tightening. There was no way she could do this, not when they were just beginning to rebuild their friendship; he already had so much to try and understand. It would just be weird for both of them.

“Hey, uh, can I borrow some pyjamas?”

It came out quieter than intended. She stood there, back to her best bro, stupid fucking girly pyjamas crumpled in her clenched fists. He frowned in response, craning his neck to look around her.

“Uh, aren't those your pyjamas right there?”

Dove just wanted to shove it back to the bottom of her back, to never let him see. John watched her, brow furrowed in confusion, though he still waited on an answer. Sometimes he chose the worst moments to not be dense. 

“Yeah, but...” She swallowed, hesitated, then lifted it out for him to see, unable to form the words to explain. 

John blinked, eyebrows raising above his thick frames. “Oh. Right.”

“Sorry, man. I... I guess I forgot to pack pants instead so just you throw some of your dorky jammies at me and we'll be good--.”

“You can wear it if you want.”

Dove faltered. His eyebrows were still raised, surprise still obvious on his features, but his tone had no trace of dismissal about it. Then he turned back to his bed, pulling out his own sleeping pants from underneath his pillow. 

“I can go to the bathroom if you want to change in here.” He reached the door and paused, turning to smile gently. “It's... really okay, dude.”

The door clicked shut behind him and she listened to his footsteps fading down the hallway. Dove smacked a hand against her face to find it so red and warm it was a surprise it hadn't melted clean off her skull. It took her several minutes to gather up a tiny shred of confidence, then she was flinging her clothes off before she could think about it any further. The boxers stayed on, because seeing her junk stuffed in girly underwear was probably something John would rather not witness, and there was no way she was freeballing. 

She tucked herself into one side of John's bed. John always took the side nearest the door. Not that she'd ever say, but it was comforting. They had always slept this way, even back when John's dad made the effort to set up a blow-up bed and a nest of duvets next to the bed. She had always just ended up crawling in beside John and they would chatter until they tired themselves out. Come to think of it, that was maybe why his dad had just decided it would just be easier to get him a bigger bed since she was over so much. For a brief moment she wondered what it was like to have an endlessly supportive parent. 

Dove sliced that line of thought as she curled up towards the wall. Thankfully John returned not long after. He shut the door carefully behind him and turned off the main light before slipping into bed beside her. She heard the soft click of his glasses being placed on the beside table as he settled down. For a good few minutes they both lay silent in the darkness. 

Then John began to snigger.

Dove turned over on to her back, facing him with a frown. He was facing the ceiling as well, his hand over his mouth as he chuckled.

“What's so funny?”

He snickered a couple more times before he managed, “I'm in bed with a girl.”

It was times like these Dove wondered how he could even be real. Surely there was no one more idiotic and dopey and... strangely accepting of his best friend suddenly being a girl after years of dudedom. 

“Didn't you ever have Vriska stay over?”

“Pfft, I think she would have murdered me in my sleep then stole all my Cage posters. And you know Jade snores and kicks and Rose likes her space, so.”

There was another lull. The winter wind whistled by outside, a branch of an old tree tapping at John's bedroom window. It would have been annoying if Dove hadn't became so accustomed to it over the years. It was comforting to hear it again. She doubted John even noticed it at all.

“Hey, I'm sorry if I screw up sometimes.”

Dove blinked her eyes open, greeted with the site of a strangely serious looking John, his face illuminated by the pale light from outside. 

“I know I still call you dude or bro or even man sometimes but... I don't mean that, as in, you are a guy,” He paused thoughtfully, “Even if you are a girl, you are still my bro. If that makes sense.”

“I get you.” Dove replied quietly, “To be honest you're taking this a hell of a lot better than I expected.”

“Yeah, well, you're still you? Just... you in lacy underthings.”

“Sorry, Egbert, no lacy panties tonight.”

“I am so disappointed,” he responded dryly, then chuckled again. “No hetero.”


	7. Chapter 7

Dove had a growing fondness for cute underwear. Although Rose joked that she was adhering to stereotypes of femininity it was her source of comfort whenever she couldn't wear her girl clothes out. She had gradually worked up the confidence to wear one of her unpadded bras and matching underwear underneath her boyish attire to school. She hadn't participated in a PE class for nearly two years-- body issues aside she thought getting all sweaty for no good reason was skanky as hell and Bro had told the school to just suck it up after numerous phone calls, so dealing with changing rooms weren't really an issue for her.

She had did a bit of research on forums and bought herself some new sets next time Jade and Rose were able to go with her. Her narrow frame was something she was rather self conscious off and she had read that ruffled underwear was meant to help add shape to the hips, so she was eager to give it a shot. 

There was also something else she was eager to try, but... it was a very delicate matter.

Once she was alone at home she sorted through her purchases to find what she needed, placing aside the ruffled pants and pawprint patterned girl's boxers she had got at Jade's insistence for the time being. She had also purchased underwear meant for a more practical purpose; a pack of hideous tan panty girdles.

Dove had grown tired of her tight-fitting shorts still showing a prominent bulge. Not that she was particularly huge in that area, but the cut made it stand out more and made her even more self-conscious. She had went to Kanaya to ask if anything could be done about it, which had led to a rather awkward conversation which led the other girl to link her to various pages about “tucking”.

Tucking was something Dove didn't know was possible until then, despite her visits to forums. She had thought about it for a while but it had always seemed... well, kind of ridiculous and a bit painful. But after further consideration she thought she might as well give it a shot. If it wasn't for her then the girdle would still compress her down there anyway. 

She lay the girdle out on her bed and eyed it like she was about to wrestle a crocodile instead of squeeze into a pair of pants. Before she started on that though she put on one her cuter bras for confidence, then shyly shuffled her boxers down over her thighs. She perched on the edge of her computer chair and brought up a tutorial. 

It had recommended she shave, but her hair was thin so she figured she needn't bother. She moved on to the next step. Wow, okay, she hadn't even known a cavity behind the balls existed but apparently that's where they were going. She carried on reading, despite being already unnerved by the process.

“What the actual fuck?” She exclaimed to herself, cringing as she read the next step, “Wrap duct tape around--. Seriously. Uh, like I would rather not have a dick and all but I don't wanna fuckin' rip it off or anything. Not happening.”

Luckily there seemed to be another option that the girdle was part of: penis between legs, balls either side, girdle on and there you go. Simple enough in theory, she supposed. Feeling completely out of her depth and kind of ridiculous, she looked down at her lap. After a brief stare down with her junk, she figured it she might as well try and get it over with. 

Despite being on her own, she fought back a blush as she stood and awkwardly began shifting herself about. After about a good ten minutes of fumbling with slipping balls she finally got everything to stay relatively in place with her thighs firmly pressed together. She had to sort of penguin waddle over to retrieve her girdle, then wriggle into the tight-fitting underwear whilst trying to keep her junk in place. 

It had taken her a long time and she was swearing with effort by the time she finally got them on and jostled her junk around, but she managed it. She turned to look in the mirror, admiring how flat her crotch area now appeared in comparison. Moving was... well, not exactly sore, just strange and uncomfortable, something she could get used to if is meant getting this effect.

She spent the next two hours getting dolled up, trying on every pair of tight fitting jeans she owned and happily taking an obscene amount of selfies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought i'd post up another short chapter before the next few get into some more serious stuff!
> 
> i got the tip about ruffled pants from here http://feminizationsecrets.com/ (and, uh, from personal dabbling in crossdressing). and this is where i got the basics on tucking http://www.wikihow.com/Tuck-and-Tape!
> 
> again if i got anything wrong then do let me know on here or at my tumblr, dirkstrider.co.uk! i'd hate to give out any mis-information on such a delicate subject. unu !


	8. Chapter 8

The fact she couldn't present as her actual gender at home was beginning to grate on Dove's confidence. She wanted to be able to lounge around in her more feminine pyjamas, pad her chest and be able to wash her clothes without the fear of Bro finding out. She was beginning to feel less comfortable in her own home around the guy she'd always admired growing up and she found it was eating away at her more and more.

TT: You gotta tell Bro, sis.   
TT: This shit is just going to keep on tearing you apart. 

Dove slumped back in her computer chair. Dirk was over at his boyfriend's place for a few days, but she felt like he was the only one who would fully understand why she was scared of telling him. 

TG: no  
TG: hed think im a tranny freak and hed never let me live it down  
TG: id rather just go back to being a dude than having to put up with that  
TT: As much as I think he is overall an incompetent douchebag, there are some issues he is capable of being a decent human being about.   
TG: its not happening dirk  
TG: dont tell him  
TG: please  
TG: i really cant fucking deal with it  
TT: Chill.   
TT: No one's going to out you to anybody.  
TT: If they did, they'd have the sharp end of a blade to answer to.  
TG: we are so fucking badass  
TT: Indeed we are, lil sis. 

Although disappointed he couldn’t offer any more advice other than to tell their mutual guardian, she tried to put the issue out of her mind for the time being. After a good night's sleep she found it wasn't bothering her quite as much. She spent her Saturday doing the usual stuff; drawing updates for SBaHJ, playing video games and pestering her friends. The routine helped to settle her consciousness for a while. 

She never even heard his steps, or the door opening-- she rarely could tell when he was coming, in all honesty. Then there was a snapping noise and suddenly there was something colliding with the side of her head. 

“So who's the chick?”

Dove untangled the offending projectile from around her shades, blinking. It was a bra. She looked up and there was Bro, leaning in the doorway. Bro had just pinged a bra into her face.

“Uh. I don't--.”

“Don't give me that.” Bro scoffed, hands in his pockets and he leant against Dove's messy desk top. “Found it when I came in here looking for a cable. You gotta stop taking those without asking.”

Dove's stomach churned as her grip tightened on the floral fabric. 

“Don't sweat about it though.” He waved a gloved hand dismissively, misreading her tense silence. “Just curious as to when you got yourself a girlfriend, lil'man. So is it the goth or the mini Amazon?”

Dove couldn't move, let alone speak, paralysed in fright and well and truly cornered. She wasn't ready for this, but he was crossing his arms and tilting his head expectantly, unwilling to leave without an answer. She didn't know whether to lie-- no, that was stupid, he would see right through it and then he would just carry on digging. 

“I-- I don't have a girlfriend.”

“Well the only person I see you bring over is your goofy little friend so if this is his--”

“It's mine,” she cut in, before he could say anything more, balling her fists and looking directly at him, gauging his reaction. 

Bro's eyebrows raised above the straight edge of his shades, his mouth drawing into a thin line. He was silent and still, and to Dove's surprise he seemed uncertain. It was rare to see the oldest Strider loose his footing. With a sharp exhale, he pushed himself up off the desk, jerking his thumb over his shoulder with only one word,

“Couch.” 

Serious talks weren't something that happened in their household very often. Bro was too lax to care if they overstepped any boundaries normal parents might put in place, and feelings jams with him were avoided at all costs. Dove never wanted him to think of her as a weak coward, no matter what happened, and Dirk didn't seem to value his opinion enough to even bother. 

Bro stretched his arms over the back of the couch, sprawled over one side while Dove tentatively sat on the other, hands clasped nervously in her lap. 

“So,” he wasn't looking at her, gaze directed somewhere above the TV, “got an explanation?”

She had no idea where to begin. How do you even begin to tell the guy who drummed the conceal over feel mantra into you for years that you're dysphoric as fuck? Or, to narrow it down even more, how do you tell your dad that his son is actually his daughter? 

So, no, she couldn't offer him an explanation when she had no idea how to even begin. Bro sighed at her lack of response. 

“Look, I'm not about to freak out on you here.” He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, glasses slipping with the movement, “Is this a clothes thing, or is it a gender thing?”

Dove could only gape. She had expected a freak out, not for him to actually come to a rational conclusion about it. Apparently her confusion was obvious because Bro sighed and continued. 

“Kid, I've seen a lot of things in my time. Met a lot of actual weird folks.” She caught him rolling his eyes out the corner of his shades. “Hell, I make niche porn for a living; I'm in business with all sorts. Either way I ain't about to kick you and your lacy underthings out on to the curb.”

Dove could explicitly remember the last time she had cried in front of Bro. She had been seven and he'd decided to hang Cal above her bed whilst she was asleep. She had bawled for hours refused to go back to sleep for days. In an odd display of competent parenting and acknowledging his monumental fuck up he had let her sleep on the sofa with him for a week and let Dirk keep Cal in his room. As she grew older and picked up more of her family's habits she just... stopped going to him when she was upset. Bottled it up more and more.

But at his show of awkward acceptance, she found her vision getting blurry and globs of water rolling down her cheeks from behind her shades. 

“Aw shit, lil ma-- uh, kid. Don't start the water works.” Bro said, swiping roughly at her cheek with a gloved hand in an effort to brush away the tears.

“Sorry,” she finally muttered, bowing her head to scrub her face with the sleeves of her shirt. “I just... it's-- it's a big deal. And it's been eating away at me for so fucking long, Bro, like, months now and... I thought you might not... I thought you'd think I was just some confused weirdo o-- or that it's not cool or--.”

“Kid, shut up.” Bro said, playfully swatting her over the head. “I get it can't have been easy and, uh, I know we don't spill our guts to each other all that often, but... like I said I'm not mad or anything.”

“Yeah,” she sniffed loudly, wiping at her face some more. “Thanks, Bro.”

“No sweat, kid.” They lapsed into a moment of silence, taking in what had just occurred. Then Bro spoke up again, sounding strangely uncertain. “So, uh, got a new name I should know about or something?”

She nodded. “Dove.” After a moment she added, “Rose helped me pick it.” 

Bro stared at the opposing wall. Then he nodded too, slowly. “Dove. Okay.”

“And uh,” Fuck, she found the words hard to say, despite him being cool with it, “If you could, like, use “she” instead of “he” and stuff that'd be... awesome.”

“I kind of figured, but, yeah. All right.” 

Bro didn't say anything more, apparently mulling over what had just occurred in his mind. After a few more silent minutes of awkwardly perching on the end of the sofa she got up and retreated back to her room. She had some hella and vaguely garish diamanté patterned pyjamas to change into.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO FINALLY FINISHED HIS DISSERTATION AND HAS THE WILL TO WRITE RECREATIONALLY AGAIN
> 
> so thousands of words about applying relative morality to video game systems and here i am! i'm hoping to get back into the writing groove and progress more with dove's story because i have a loooot i still want to cover.
> 
> as always i hope you enjoy the new chapter (though I apologise for the shortness! the next one should be longer) and if there is anything you find problematic please let me know!

They went a few days without talking much. This wasn't an unusual occurrence as Bro was practically nocturnal. He could normally be found with his hat jammed down over his face and sleeping through during what most people would consider reasonable hour. Even when he was awake he would be too caught up updating his site content to be interested in conversation. The only time they had talked was when he threw a take out menu at her and asked her what she wanted to eat. Dirk had once even mentioned he once went for two weeks straight without saying a word to him and Dove was inclined to believe it. Needless to say communication was not a strong point of the Strider family.

It had been three days since she had come out to him. When Dove ventured into the living room Bro was sprawled across the sofa with Cal tucked under his arm. There was an unnecessary buzz of chainsaw sound effects and stock screams coming from the television so she could only assume he was absorbed in one of his gore pornos. Dove padded through to the kitchen and opened the fridge, being careful not to disturb any of the swords literally chilling in there. Bro always claimed that, other than for irony, he couldn't stand sweaty handles in the middle of a strife. Whatever his intentions were it made extracting cans of juice really difficult.

“Yo,” Bro's hand appeared over the top of the sofa “Throw me a can.”

Dove obliged, grabbing a garishly patterned can of orange flavour and throwing it in his direction as she passed the couch.

“Thanks, lil'man.”

Dove froze. Bro apparently didn't notice; she heard the cracking of the can and the sound of him gulping the drink down but no apology, just a raspy laugh when one of the heroines was sawed down the middle. She stood for a moment longer, but ultimately she wasn't brave enough to confront him about it. She snapped her head down to hide her face in her hair ans darted back to her room.

She yanked the blind down and curled underneath her blankets, throwing the juice can somewhere to the other side of the room. Dove hugged her knees into her chest, finding a small comfort in the hair extensions framing her face., as if it was reaffirming something Bro had unknowingly taken from her with just a few thoughtless words. Once nested underneath her covers she eventually dozed off into an anxious sleep.

After quite some time she was awoken by a knock at her door. The only person who ever bothered knocking was Dirk, so she sighed then called for him to come in.

To her surprise it was Bro, not Dirk, that opened the door. She kneaded the blanket between her fingers as they awkwardly stared at each other, both at a loss for words. He slouched against the door frame and, after a moment more, held out a an expensive looking department store bag.

“Here,” he said gruffly, “got you some stuff.”

“Uh,” she stood up and shuffled over uncomfortably aware her hair was a frazzled mess and her eyes were likely still puffed up. “Thanks?”

A waft of cosmetics and perfume hit Dove as he practically shoved the bag awkwardly into her hands. It was packed real fancy with pastel coloured paper as well as neat little boxes that, when she flicked one open with her spare hand revealed a pink tinted bottle in the shape of a woman's bust.

“Dunno if it's your thing but, uh, I just asked the store assistant what sorta thing I should get...”

Dove was mildly surprised to hear that he had actually went outside to a busy department store _and_ actually interacted with the staff. Bro didn't really do interacting with society. He preferred to stick to his sofa unless it was occasionally to do his ventriloquist gig down at the local stand up place. Strange places were out of the question.

Bro interpreted her silence as a negative response and spoke up again. “Look, I fucked up and, uh, didn't realize until like an hour later what you got all upset. Uh, not that you're in the wrong for being upset, I mean.” He sighed deeply, running a hand down his face, “What I'm tryin' to say is I'm sorry and... enjoy your girlie crap, yeah?”

“Well, um, thanks.” She shuffled awkwardly, placing her new perfume carefully back into the bag. “But like you gotta... try with pronouns and all. It's hella upsetting.

Dove muttered all of this to the floor, but Bro's gaze was also focused elsewhere. This was not how they generally sorted out their family feuds-- this sort of situation was uncomfortably mundane for them.

“I'll try. Yeah.” Bro replied, “Tell you what. Every time I call you a dude you get a free hit in during strifes, okay?”

Dove's head snapped up and she blinked in disbelief behind her shades. “Seriously?”

“Hell yeah I'm fuckin' serious.” Bro said with a satisfied smirk. “That a good compromise?”

“Yeah. I'm cool with that.”

Bro held out his fist. Dove happily bumped it back with her own before he meandered back to his sofa.

Needless to say Bro didn't fuck up very much after that. Dove didn't know if it was out of compassion or giving her an advantage during their strifes, but she preferred to assume it was a strange combination of both.


End file.
